Tag: boundaries

This article is about personal empowerment, and the importance of keeping yourself in alignment – by simply being real with yourself and other people. Enough to say “no” whenever you want to say “no”

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I don’t know what it is about modern society…

People just have the hardest time saying “no”.

This leads to a pretty serious dilemma and is a slippery slope. Because then we have a culture where there are a lot of people who have a very hard time hearing the word “no”, even when someone says it nicely to them.

It hurts their inflated ego (let’s face it, we all have inflated egos), and sometimes even causes them to react in a very uncomfortable way, which makes whoever said “no” to that person even more afraid of saying “no” in the future…

We live in a society where people are literally afraid to tell someone “no”, as if by saying “no” they are putting their safety or well-being at risk, when it is actually the opposite.

In fact, I bet you can easily remember a time when there was a very high energetic cost for You – saying “yes” to someone You didn’t want to say “yes” to…

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I am going to teach you how to say “no”. I am also going to convince you that saying “no” when you want to say “no” is the best thing that you could possibly do – because it keeps your Reality in alignment.

The first thing that you need to do, to get really good at saying the word “no”, is fully commit to treating everyone you encounter with the same level of unconditional common decency and respect.

Everyone is entitled to this. Nobody deserves to be treated poorly on purpose – because everyone is trying their best. Even if their “vibe” is bad, and even if you don’t particularly like them.

Conversely, beyond basic common decency and respect – you don’t owe anyone anything. You are allowed to exist just as you are, and if you don’t want to be bothered with something, and that bothers someone who asked – well, that’s their problem

You see, part of the reason that people have a hard time saying “no”, is because when a lot of us were younger we weren’t permitted to utter that word around certain people.

We may have had family members who were overbearing and controlling, and would literally make us fear for our safety or overall sense of security if we said “no”.

Now – The family members or people from our upbringing who made us afraid of saying the word “no” aren’t fully to blame. They were just mirroring whatever their parents did, or mirroring what they believed was a social norm that was widely accepted.

They weren’t trying to be wrong when they made you afraid of saying the word “no”, but they were.

And that’s OK. We aren’t going to place blame on anyone as we embark on this journey of personal empowerment.

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We have already firmly established that you will treat everyone with a reasonable amount of common decency and respect, so that you won’t have any excuse for denying what’s in your own best interest – when you decide to say the word “no”.

It’s important to remember that you are a Sovereign Spiritual Being, and while you most certainly live in a world where you are playing different roles and proving your value in different ways – You never have to submit to the depravity or unreasonableness of another person – even if they are unaware that they may be in the “wrong”

Some of us have demanding jobs with a lot of responsibility, so that we can take care of our loved ones. You may have a deep-rooted fear that if you say “no” to a request that your boss makes – you and your family will end up homeless, and/or you won’t be able to provide for them.

That’s simply not how Reality works. Even if you quit your job for no reason – the world would arrange itself in such a way that you and your family would still have a place to live, and still be provided for.

But you’re not even going to take it that far. You might just say “no” to working 4 hours of unpaid overtime because you already have plans. So do it. If the request is unreasonable and you want to say “no” – Just. Say. No.

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Or perhaps in your personal life you meet someone who asks for your phone number because they want to take you on a date. This person hasn’t broken any social norms, so for some strange reason you believe that you don’t have a good  excuse for not being interested.

But really, you’re just not feeling his vibe. You’re not interested. So do it – Just say no. “That’s very flattering but I’m not interested”.

Remember – you don’t owe anyone anything. You are allowed to exist without submitting to the expectations of other people, no matter what situation you are in – work, your personal life, etc etc.

You may have been conditioned by your family or upbringing to believe that you must say “yes” if you are asked a certain way. But if it doesn’t feel right to you, You can say “no”.

The people you say “no” to are entitled to their opinion. They can choose to believe that you are in the wrong, or react negatively and not validate the response that you gave to the question that they took it upon themselves to ask you…

…But if you were treating them with common decency and respect right off of the bat, and they still choose to berate you or use underhanded/manipulative tactics – You can very calmly, clearly, and sternly repeat what you already said – “No thank you. I am not interested.” – and not feel guilty at all.

I guarantee that if you say “no” with a little bit of power to those who have a hard time hearing the word “no”, they will feel that decisive and powerful energy of Yours and immediately get the hint, and they may even learn a valuable lesson about the importance of respecting the boundaries of other people.

In fact, once you “survive” an interaction like that, it’s like leveling up in life, and realizing that you really are the one in control when it comes to navigating this complex world, and dealing with the expectations of other people.

That other person you said “no” to doesn’t suffer either. You would have been wasting his time, had you said “yes”, if you didn’t want to.

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There is another spiritual element to this topic – of saying the word “no”

Since you are an Infinite Spiritual Being, there is actually a Shadow version of you who happily says “yes” – in a parallel Reality – to someone you say “no” to in this Reality.

I know this concept is a little “out there”, but bare with me on this…

Let’s go back to the scenario where that person who wants to take you on a date asks for your phone number. You’re not interested… so in this Reality you say “No”, and you say it very confidently, and you are in alignment with that.

If that other person really, really needed you to say “yes”, for whatever reason, that Shadow version of You, in a separate parallel Reality, has got your back. She says “yes” and is grateful for the opportunity. And that is that. You, in this Reality, can simply move on and forget about that interaction as soon as you want to.

So here’s the thing…

If you had said “yes” when you didn’t want to say yes – then you end up on a timeline that you don’t want to be on. You forfiet your Sovereignty as an Infinite Spiritual Being by not being real with yourself and that other person, by giving him an answer that you are not in alignment with.

Maybe now you end up going on a date with this person you’re not interested in…Maybe you actually, somehow, end up seeing this person consistently because you just have the hardest time saying “no” for some strange reason.

Well, on top of wasting your time and energy with someone you don’t really like, You have a Shadow version of you, who actually wanted to say “yes” to that person – and to create that parallel reality that you’d never have to worry about again…

That Shadow version of you would literally be watching everything from virtual reality and saying “Why couldn’t she just have said “no”?”

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The main point that I am trying to make is that Your alignment is very important for your overall sense of well-being and confidence with how you are going about your life.

Doing exactly what you want and not feeling bad about that, despite your conditioning from the past, is what keeps you in alignment.

Ultimately this life experience that you are having is an illusion. We are role playing all sorts of different scenarios, but at the end of the day you are an Infinite Spiritual Being, a Living God, and you are not obligated to experience anything that you don’t want to experience.

As you begin waking up to how powerful you really, truly are – you will more clearly see how much people put up with things they don’t need to put up with.

And why even bother with that, if you don’t want to?

So just do it! Say “no”.

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