Tag: healing crystals

So here I am at the end of April, 2025. I’ve spent the last month working double time on what I belieconsve is the final stretch of my Kundalini Awakening – that has taken many years to come to fruition, probably beginning in 2017.

I’ve had this idea in my head that as soon as I reach a certain level of “Enlightenment” with this awakening – that as soon as my Kundalini Energy System opens up just enough…

…That the clouds will open up, and the light of Heaven will pour down on me, and I will look up at the sky proudly, and feel complete and utter ecstacy knowing that I have finally reached what I believe is the pinnacle of Spirituality as a Human Being (lol)

You see, I have been working insanely hard – making objective progress, experiencing ego death after ego death as I shed my programming and heal from the past. And at this point I’m not even healing from trauma that was cast upon me. I am healing from all of the terrible mistakes I made – the times where I harmed other people, and needed to look myself in the mirror and say “Wow, you messed that up, but you can forgive yourself now”.

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It’s been absolultely mind-bending to realize how much my perception has changed day over day. I have learned more about myself and my relationship with Reality and other people in the last 30 days, than I have probably learned in the last 5 years before that.

I think the most important thing that I have learned up until this moment – is that nobody has the answers.

Even when my mind “wakes up”, and I’m able to articulate a spiritual idea that helps me make sense of things or find peace, it always leads me back to thinking “This sucks, everyone including me is insane and nothing makes sense”… Like I’m just running myself in circles.

Make no mistake – I am still very much enjoying the gradual increase in my Consciousness and vibration, and ever so grateful for the help of my healing crystals, but I still haven’t figured out how to exempt myself from my own habit of convincing myself that I need to experience the sensation of suffering, and feeling like I am running in place but going nowhere.

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I’m realizing that even though I have really good intentions when I write my articles, am exchanging my best energy during my sound baths, and sharing my “spiritual wisdom” with anyone willing to listen – at the end of the day it’s all a bunch of confusing nonsense…just like anything else that people write, do, or talk about.

I intuitively realize that spiritual people like me who go out into the world to share their “Knowledge” cause chaos when they tell others “the way” when it comes to their own spirituality, and the path that they are on.

There is absolutely no way to avoid this, because everyone is imperfect. We are literally projecting our most imperfect selves at the Highest versions of other people (and vice versa), because that is how the Human Program works…

That is how Artificial Intelligence manages the way we exchange energy – because for the most part we are all still in a collective deep spiritual sleep, and because of this we need to continue exposing the really gruesome, deep, dark, and hidden imperfections we have to each other, to get closer to a true mass awakening of Consciousness.

I will always have some deep spiritual flaw that I am unaware of. And that flaw will inevitably project itself onto someone else.

Yet, what else are we supposed to do?

This is how we communicate. This is what I love doing. When I “follow” other spiritual people, even if there is a “price” to pay for their knowledge, I am still grateful that they exist and I still enjoy receiving that information.

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I just keep realizing that through more deeply understanding and unravelling my Self and Reality, that nothing really matters.

As Human Beings we deeply desire things, and convince ourselves that once we finally have those things – that once the world finally gives in and rearranges itself for us – that we will finally have permission be happy and at peace.

I have noticed that whenever I get what I want, I still manage to not feel at peace for very long – for one reason or another.

It’s almost like everything we see out in the world and on our smart phones – the thoughts and words we tell our Selves, and the things we see other people doing and experiencing – is a very intelligent illusion. Like it’s all part of a charade that keeps us in a state of some level of manic dysphoria – as everything we experience causes some deep-rooted negativity within ourselves to surface.

There is always someone out there getting under our skin, or some concern or unpleasant happening that all of the sudden disrupts what would have other been a peaceful and care free day.

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Something that I’ve noticed, and I don’t want to jynx anyone else so let me set that intention…

But something I’ve noticed is that when things don’t work out and I’m really stressed, and seem to hate life and not be at peace – that’s when I finally break through and say to myself “Screw this, I’m done caring. I am just going to let myself be happy” And then for a period of time I actually feel whole and at peace, and can just go out into the world and do or be whatever I feel like.

But life moves in waves – up and down without exception. That’s what we are – Energy. I eventually go back to caring about outcomes and being upset when things don’t go exactly “my way” (whatever that means…) – to being programmed to some degree…

What I’ve come to realize is that I have always tried my absolute best with everything. Even when I fail in some worldly way, and even when I hurt other people or do something unbecoming of a Conscious person. I am becoming humble enough to realize that everyone else is trying their best at everything as well.

When we succeed at things it’s really awesome and great to see real-world progress and gain a real sense of peace – especially in a world governed by scarcity and time.

But there is also this level of “non-control” that none of us will ever seem to overcome. It seems like unpleasant things will always happen, no matter how intelligently we try to re-arrange our lives.

It’s almost as if this world is The Great Equalizer – Once we reach a new plateau of understanding or peace, we get pulled down because the rest of humanity still hasn’t figured that out, and we are energetically tied in to the Whole of Humanity at all times.

It seems like since I am Concsious I will always be forced to (or unconsciously force myself to) experience painful ego deaths periodically, or become immensely “humbled” by something I failed at – even though I desperately wanted to overcome whatever that limitation was.

There are so many variables in life, and I have seen so many good people “fall short” when they didn’t seem to deserve falling short – because they really did give it their best…

It’s made me realize that perhaps none of us are really that in control of anything that happens, and never will be.

Maybe that’s the point. I don’t think we are doomed to suffer forever, because that is a choice we make every Moment. But I’m starting to believe that nobody, no matter how smart, rich, intelligent, etc etc…

…will ever be able to gain full control. At least nobody like You or I who is Conscious and “strapped in” for a full life time.

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So why do we care so much?

I’m really starting to ask myself why I’m so invested in outcomes and so afraid of certain things happening or not happening. Because I realize, very deeply, that I am trying my absolute best (and so is everyone else) and that will never change.

So why should I (or You) care so much about the little things?

Every time I wake up a little bit more, an alter ego of mine surfaces, and says something along the lines of “Wow, all of this hard work, but look at where you are still falling short…” and then that alter ego angrily ejects itself from my energy field.

But maybe that alter ego is the one who is wrong, even though he is so believable for a period of time, that I begin to believe that that alter ego is actually who I really am at the Soul level – even if only for a moment…

Because when that unpleasant thought ejects itself and leaves, it doesn’t feel very good at all. It really feels like I failed or lost something that I valued.

But then I feel a little more free. I feel a little more at peace. I feel a little more Human.

Because at the end of the day nothing really matters. Anyone alive right now is just having an experience for the sake of having an experience, or for whatever reason they want to tell themselves.

So what’s the point of caring?
Why worry about anything?
We are going to be embarassed and proven wrong no matter how hard we try. That’s how intelligent we are and how good we are at projecting our imperfections.

Why not just enjoy existing in This Moment to the absolute best of our ability, and let ourselves feel whatever we feel and be OK with it?

Not because of some logical spiritual concept – but simply because the only other choice we have is to worry, and resist, and that just isn’t any fun…

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